So… I’m sick. No worries. Nothing terminal, but it is painful. Extremely.
Today I went to an amusement park with a friend, a friend I had argued with the night before. But we always make up somehow. She finally had the courage to tell me she had been pregnant. Had been, she aborted the baby. A baby that was 8 weeks old. I would have tried to convince her of considering adoption instead.
I wish she would have told me sooner.
I got home and showered. While showering I had this sudden pain, like a knife shooting through, like I’d lost all strength. Then I was curled up in the tub waiting for the pain to go away. All the while tears are coming out because it’s painful and because right then my mind decided that it was a good idea to recall last night’s dream.
I remembered him. The man who was older, the man who had begged me to tell him that I loved him the same night he begged me to be his girlfriend. The man who broke me beyond repair and went around sleeping with multiple people.
I got over the fact that I wasn’t enough for him, but my heart is shattered and impossible to repair.
There were so many signs that he was unfaithful and I chose to ignore them. Denial is a powerful mistress. And now I tell my stories with stains on my cheeks from dried up tears.
And now I finish my tales with brimming tears, knowing full well I will cry myself to sleep. So my advice? Don’t be like me. If you notice the signs don’t ignore them. The aftermath is much worse than the current doubts.
Truly Yours, Jona Constantine.