It took so much of my will power not to text the one person I knew would bring down all of my defenses and still I failed. It took all that was left not to send my heart shattering to pieces, leaving nothing but fine dust and an unrecognizable form of what it used to be.
Distance was key. Distance kept my heart and soul safe. Distance was survival. But distance has no regards for people and their feelings so it disappeared. Distance left and closed a gap that kept me safe and for the most part sane.
I was so willing to plunge into uncertainty despite the consequences and let me tell you, I paid them. I paid them in full and now I hide the hurt from others. I force and push and shove back the one expression that could expose the vacancy in my heart. In a corner is a void that longed to be filled, forced shut for protection and now pried open so wide it might never close again.
You got my hopes up knowing I was weak and defenceless against you. Just your voice was enough to make my heart submit. You hurt me…
Truly Yours, Jona Constantine